I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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