This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
