the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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