I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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