trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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