HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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