I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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