she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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