Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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