He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
