Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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