you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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