I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
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