it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize