Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize