all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
is that a dick in a sweater?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
