You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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