if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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