It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
