He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
