so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
