I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
