It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
