i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
