I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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