Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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