question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
