You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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