I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she peed on how many people?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
