The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize