the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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