So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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