fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
