Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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