why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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