You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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