Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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