Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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