I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
