would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Operation Purity has been aborted
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
