You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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