how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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