Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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