he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Rumble strips road head = magical
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize