Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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