ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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