Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
