So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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