Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
