So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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