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I love having hate sex.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
