I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
