Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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