There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need a beard to bite.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
