I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
