just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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