You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
