oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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