she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
