saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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