who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
