I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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