why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize