saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
