and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
