Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
