I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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