I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
