My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
