you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
