i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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