idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
