My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
