I CAN MOONWALK!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
