Nicole vs. Life
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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