I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
