You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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