I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
